August 1, 2009
I’m about 5 hours into my 25 hour journey back home. Is it too early to complain? Hell no. I’m sickly, purposefully sleep-deprived, and what else have I to do in a deserted airport in Tokyo? It’s 7am, and I suppose it’s too early for anything to be happening yet. Thank Jebus they confiscated my bottled water (as opposed to my lighter) before I hurt myself.
Flu alert is not quite in panic mode as only a small fraction of people are wearing their trusty, and probably completely useless, flu masks. I don’t have to worry about it as I appear to already have swine flu (shhhh!). I’ve got the sore throat, runny nose, coughing symptoms going for me, but I’m desperately trying to suppress these irritants so as not to be ostracized by my fellow global citizens and to avoid quarantine. The public health professional in me feels guilty over this and my blatant lying about being symptom-free on the forms. However, who wants to sit around in quarantine and what on earth is the point anyway? How long are they going to keep me there and what kind of prodding will they do to me? It might actually be worth it…as an uninsured gal, the ordeal could amount to a free doctor’s visit. In super space age Japan, this could amount to an addition of 5 years to my life.
I mentioned that I was purposefully sleep-deprived. It’s my attempt to get my schedule back to US time in order to avoid jet lag. I’ll add to the suffering now rather than experience it later. It’s reminiscent of when I was a wee teenager and would force myself to vomit after drinking too much so as to avoid vomiting in the morning. I’m a genius. I plan on taking a sedative and playing dead for the 11 hour flight over the ocean, though. So, my efforts to stay awake were aided by Japan Airline’s movie selection. I saw the one where Tom Cruise and Eddie Izzard are Nazis – don’t worry, they were good Nazis. For some reason it irritated me that they didn’t even fake a German accent. If you’re not gonna speak German, at least do the accent. Plus side to the movie – you get to see Tom Cruise get kicked around a lot. That movie was followed up by the enlightening He’s Just not that into You, which I believe was made to make you hate yourself if you’re female or to fan the flames of your already existing misogyny. Fuck that movie. I have to reread The Feminine Mystique, write a feminist manifesto, and start another women’s movement in order to undo the damage. 
Aside from its unfortunate taste in movies, Japan Airlines was pretty lovely. My eyes were for once glued to the safety instructions on our little teevees. In keeping with their reputation of cuteness, the airplane rules were demonstrated by cute and dramatic cartoon characters who were constantly injuring themselves and others and occasionally screaming at each other. Then the terminal in Tokyo had this dreamy, ambient music. Japan is starting to develop into some sort of magic wonderland of cute weirdness in my imagination. Don’t let me move back home until I’ve gone there.
Oi zoi oi! I’m already a mess and I’m only one-fifth done. I can only imagine the wreck I’ll be when the family picks me up in Kansas City. They’ll blame it on Vietnam surely, claiming it has turned me into a feeble, whiny savage. Can’t wait!
Hanoi Eats Sarah 