My blog is many things, but useful it is not. Nothing makes this more clear than visiting that nifty WordPress stats page to figure out how in the hell people came across this little corner of the internet. Mostly by accident apparently, while in search of other, very different things than what Hanoi is doing to Sarah. I’ll present here a quick overview of the wanderers who have gotten caught up in my interweb lately, mostly to be left disappointed by my lack of answers for their internet queries. When I can, I’ll try to answer some of these questions or to offer useful advice for once.
Vietnam/Hanoi category: Naturally.
- “finding America girl living in Hanoi” – Try stalking the embassy, the American Club, and/or your friendly neighborhood expat bar/restaurant. We’re not hard to find.
- “vietnam burning shop cleaning” – Is the shop burning or Vietnam? Someone should get on that.
- “talktome Vietnamese” – Wish I could.
- “freaky shit in Hanoi” – Hanoi’s so weird, even its shit is freaky.
- “happy pizza hanoi” – Those emotional food items. This is a reference to pizza with marijuana baked into it. As far as I know, dear internet searcher, this is a Phnom Penh thing. Am I wrong?
- “how to say takeaway in Vietnamese” – It took me a long time to figure this one out too. It’s “mang về”.
- “Hanoi my love” – Awwww….
Travel/expat category: I wrote one entry about Vang Vieng, Laos, and wow, it gets a lot of traffic. Funny that it’s not exactly a glowing review of the place, but I suppose it offers enough details to confirm its awesomeness or abhorrence in the readers’ minds. So, aside from backpacking in Vang Vieng:
- “expats are weird” – And how!
- “Hanoi language barrier” – Is alive and well. Learn this phrase: Không hiểu.
- “where to eat thanksgiving Hanoi” – Oooh ooh, useful advice: dinner at Green Mango (18 Hàng Quạt) and maybe the Press Club (too fancy for my bones). Also, you can get a fully cooked turkey at The Oasis (24 Xuan Dieu). Side note: “Turkey” in Vietnamese is “gà tây” or “Western chicken.”
- “expat salaries in Hanoi” – Considering the cost of living – pretty pretty pretty good.
- “vang vieng parasites” – Ew.
- “massa massage Vientiane” – Which one do you prefer?
Sex(pat) category: I must say, this site must be especially disappointing for people of the sexpat variety. Well, yes ok, I’ve attended happy ending massage places and brothels myself, but always by accident! Really!
- “massage Hanoi happy ending”
- “massage with prostitution in Hanoi”
- “brothels in dalat Vietnam”
- “girls hanoi full service massage addresses”
- “sex movie for vieng”
- “tall creepy guy in vang vieng” – Miscategorized?
- “thats what she said Vietnamese” – Is there a Vietnamese version of The Office these days? There most certainly should be. Rife with fruit snack breaks, computer naps, youtubeathons, overtime and underpayment.
Use a condom, massa seekers
Sex subcategory: tied up and gagged: Note to self – Be more careful in how you title your posts. People in search of the tied up and gagged genre are not interested in your fumbling attempts at teaching children.
- “girls tied up and gagged” – Oh no, what happened? Scary!
- “angry girls tied up” – Well, I’d think they would be.
- “babysitter tied up and gagged” – Darned kids.
- “advice tied up gagged ask” – Seems like it might be hard to ask for advice while gagged.
- “americangirlstiedup” – Oh, now it’s getting personal….
- “gagged Vietnamese” – And I guess a little more relevant to the blog.
- “kid tied up and gagged “- Ummm…creepy to the nth degree. Let’s move on, shall we?
Animal category: Mostly turkeys, with some fish and cats thrown in for good measure.
- “how to draw a turkey” – Take hand, add pencil.
- “how to draw an angry turkey”- Add furrowed brow. Getting specific, that’s good.
- “a turkey with a gun to its back and holding a sign drawn colored pictures” – Very specific.
- “angry turkey sounds” – GOBCHCHCIEKDKKDWW!!!
- “fish on bicycle”- Fish can’t ride bicycles, sillypants.
- “i can barely take care of my cat, should i have children” – No.
Kids, harder to take care of than cats.
Perhaps try a mini-dog instead
Sarah category
- “sarah eats Hanoi” – That’s why she is so bloated.
- “sarah’s place Hanoi” – And we’re back to creepy.
Random category
- “iceland hot pools gay cruising” – Yes, please.
- “hangover burf” – What’s a burf? Let’s hope it wasn’t supposed to say barf.
- “beaten businessman in bar fight” – Well, fights are not fun, but I hope he at least worked on Wall Street.
- “Burning shorts” – For the short-less ancestors.
- “dang zombies shirt” –Who doesn’t like zombie shirts?
- “hedonism irresponsible party” – Is there such a thing as responsible hedonism?
- “no you run and it’s gone wild” – Haiku?
- “naked sport bicycle” – Sounds itchy.
- “never trust someone who eats at their desk” – Noted. I will eye my coworkers suspiciously from now on.
- “right. you cant see it for yourself because youre so fat, and because it is curled so tight. i dare say you could play with it, like kitty, when you were a pup, but it must be a long time now since youve” – I’m very confused.
Hilarious. Well done Sara.
More like, well done random internet people. That was only for the last month, too, so there must be some more gems that I was too lazy to find.
funny you should say that, stalking is exactly how I found my American in Hanoi.
Funny, I thought he was stalking you. Can two people stalk each other? I suppose you’d never make it too far.
Very funny, very, very funny but jings! Sexpats and Viagrants are going to be flocking to you now! Bring on the freakery!
I get quite a lot of traffic looking for topless images of Cleopatra on top of a lion but that serves me right for posting just such an image. I’m clearly not doing this blog thing right.
I thought about that, but so be it. At least it will help me feel popular.