Backpackers Gone Wild – Vang Vieng, Laos

Visa run number three – if everything goes to plan, the final visa run.  Dreading the idea of going to Bangkok again (no offense Bangkok, but you know), we decided to head to Laos for the 4 day weekend celebrating Vietnam’s Reunification Day and May Day.  I don’t know how fully folks in Saigon appreciate this particular holiday given that it celebrates the fall of Saigon, but I imagine they don’t complain about it much.

Oh Laos, the rumors are true.  I thought no people could have a chiller, happier vibe than the Thais, but the Lao people proved me wrong. After being in hectic Hanoi, Laos felt like taking a horse sedative. Salespeople and tuk tuk drivers shrug off rejection like they could care less – they were just asking to be polite anyway- public service workers patiently smile and explain schedules and prices to tourists despite the fact that this information is clearly displayed for our dumbasses, the streets have a quiet hum…ah, quiet.  Laos is the most bombed country in the world (!) – the US dropped more bombs on it than landed in all of Europe in World War II.  So perhaps their calm reverie stems from the knowledge that, shit, whatever it is, it could be way worse. Buddha might have something to do with it, too.  Have you seen statues of the guy?  He is the embodiment of chill.  Jesus is always all like, “Ahh! Stop torturing me, that hurts, I’m bleeding. Woe, woe.”  Buddha’s all: “Do what you want. I’m gonna relax for a while, maybe take a nap. Catch you later.”

Take the peaceful, relaxed atmosphere, and the warmth melting over your body as you settle into a feather bed of wonder for this peaceful country, wrap yourself tight in it – and then pour beer all over it and set it on fire, and you have Vang Vieng. We were warned not to go to Vang Vieng as it was described as “drunk twenty-somethings ruining the country and being disrespectful to the locals.”  Come on, I thought.  People always wring their hands about tourism ruining everything, especially in rural areas, as if poor villages should be preserved in formaldehyde so we can continue to observe them unaltered like in a museum, ignoring the economic benefits and desires of the actual people living there.  Not to say that tourism isn’t problematic and that there isn’t a responsible or better way to do development.  I just think it’s more complicated than people’s knee jerk reactions against it.  The pluses and minuses of tourism in developing countries- oi, a sticky topic! Although, seeing a beautiful landscape get turned into a resort is painful anywhere.  Anyway, with regards to Vang Vieng, I’m with the hand-wringers. The drunken, lusty frenzy, and the lack of conscientiousness set with a backdrop of traditional, conservative Laos is mind-numbing.  I was excited when I heard about tubing on the river because I pictured something similar to tubing in Austin, Texas.  A bunch of people relaxing on a river for a few hours, drinking beer, singing, chatting, swimming…that kind of stuff. Oh no, no no no no. It was more like Khao San Road intensified and wearing a bikini. As our tuk tuk approached the tubing starting point, we heard a growing roar, which turns out to be a number of bars along the banks of the river crammed together, all loudly playing really fast and really bad techno music. Tourists in swimsuits (or the standard uniform of flip flops, shorts, and a Bangkok/Laos t-shirt) are standing around and jumping off huge platforms into the water. Once in the water, it’s like you’re being bombarded with backpacker bombs. It’s Apocalypse Now meets MTV Spring Break.  We thought the madness would end, but bars line the river banks for nearly the entire 3 hour tube ride.  One amusing thing was to watch the bar workers go tourist-fishing.  They throw bottles attached to ropes at tubers and reel them in when they get a catch.

The streets of Vang Vieng weren’t much different. Bikini-clad girls wandering around shoeless (where did these people put their damn sandals?), obnoxious guys talking loudly about their previous sexual exploits and their need to repeat these in the near future (note: the louder the bragging, the less likely it’s true), and numerous loud bars seducing customers with free buckets of booze. We saw a dude wearing a shirt with a picture of a topless woman on it. She appeared to be in the process of taking off her pants or maybe touching herself.  This in a country that blurs out cleavage in it’s commercials!  Oi! Family run restaurants even offered drugs on the menu.  Pepsi, margarita, opium, mushroom shakes, weed joint. No need for the usual euphemisms like “happy pizza”.

Actually this whole thing isn’t that different than a lot of the islands in Thailand or even a spot or two in Vietnam, but somehow it felt creepier. I can’t put my finger on why it turned me off so much more here – I felt like an old lady the whole time wagging my disapproving finger at the drunk teenagers, even though I’m not exactly a stranger to similar party scenes.  I think the difference for me was that this scene appeared to be the focal point of Vang Vieng, while it’s sort of just an option in Thailand.  It highlighted everything that people hate about backpackers, and I understand better now why they have such a bad reputation and why expats try to distance themselves from the label…it’s not all just snobbery.  It’s embarrassing to think about the general impression the locals must have of Westerners after that spectacle.  Although, it wouldn’t surprise me if most of the chill Laotians are indifferent.

Whine whine. Lest I leave you with a terrible impression of Vang Vieng and my trip, despite the above complaints, we really did have a good time.  We were smart enough to stay in an ecolodge located about 15 minutes outside of town. Go back to the warm, fuzzy peaceful feeling.  It was gorgeous. The lodge is situated right next to a popular spot on the river where families go to wash up and play in the water.  Lots of cute naked babies and little kids swimming and fishing.  We went swimming up the river some and were somewhat secluded except for a few Laotians and a pack of cows. The family at the lodge was sweet and the food was good. I recommend it.  There are similar places in the area as well, including an organic farm where you can volunteer, so there are options outside of the madness.  And if the whole peace and nature stuff eventually bores you, you can go join in with the drunken masses. If you are looking for an STI, parasite, hangover, and blurred recollection of Laos, Vang Vieng is your town.  Ok ok, if you’re not turned off, it will be  a lot of fun.  It’s seriously hard not to enjoy the hell out of tubing, even with drunken people falling from the sky.  And the locals who live and work there are as lovely as any I’ve met.  Plus, you will want for nothing – Lao food, international food, endless Friends episodes, internet access, shopping, yadda yadda.  And again, it’s gorgeous, and despite predictions, Vang Vieng has yet to ruin that.   And the added bonus – we had a new thrilling round of Slap Che, always a guarantee with the backpacker kids.